dec 28 2024
free from everything for the first time in months; nothing left to do now but think. i'm only alive when i'm near death, suffocating at the hands of myself.
- the class i have to retake with...them
- gng2101
- the dance i hate
- my solo
- competing
- casco again
- the 3rd club i neglected
dec 18 2024
been incredibly locked in. like, insane levels. this must be what it's like to experience nominal executive function.
wrote (murdered) an exam, cleaned my apartment, edited my photoshoot, took a dance class, fixed my hydro bill, fixed my banking, unpacked some boxes...the list goes on.
fortunately for me, when there's a lack of tasks to execute, there's always a surplus of regret to fill the void.
i dreamt of something i shouldn't have dreamt of last night. a silhouette i haven't looked at in years, haloed by flooding sun. face to glass, back to me. i'll never see that face again.
in love with a view — mojave 3
and i [wish] i could show you the same view
of you by the window and me
feeling fine
and i [wish] i could show you the same view
of you by the window and me
feeling fine
dec 10 2024
how do i separate my worth from all that i do
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- PHOTOSHOOT
- optoelectronics and optical components final exam
- everything else
dec 9 2024
you ever burst so hard you have to return to your roots
figure 5: the advanced selfie
dec 8 2024
first storm last night. houses barely visible beyond blurry sky, winds so heavy my building shifted.
the walls creak and i keep thinking it's her, around the corner or behind the door. i forget i'm not a prisoner anymore.
remind me to bring my bike and patio furniture inside
take flight — alice phoebe lou
drowning
drowning
dec 7 2024
sweatpants on, christmas lights on, blankie on, sparkling apple cider in my mug. life is worth living!!!!!
figure 3: red-blue gay lives on
dec 6 2024
dance is my one true lover
(this is both a great thing and a life-destroying thing)
figure 2: my genuine reaction to that
not to get desperate on main but want me
stupid fish — cherry glazerr
i see myself in you
i see myself in you
dec 5 2024
exams are kicking my ass and i no longer eat. today i tried to make pasta and nearly fainted. i guess it's the thought that counts?
- 8 redbull cans on the windowsill
- a month's worth of unwashed dishes in the sink
- fruit rot in the fridge
- blood in the bedsheets
- a closet of clothes on the floor
- piles of trash by the front door
there is nothing underneath
i think every day i forget what life's supposed to feel like a little more
dec 4 2024
it's 4:11 pm and it's nearly dark out, and this is the first snow of the winter season. nonstop falling flakes the entire morning, which i've been watching float past me from my bed.
haven't done anything but make this site today. i'm still counting it for...something.
figure 1: oh, the misery.